The baby stare phase of Deklen's little life is special...and slowly slipping away. He's already getting so much bigger and the time of my maternal leave is coming to a close. These slower, foggier days of holding and caring for him -- they are precious.
When I stare into his gray eyes, I can't help but wonder what he will look like when he grows big. When I catch that sparkly smile of his, I can't help but imagine what his personality will be like. I wonder what he will do with his life, what his passions and quirks will be, what will make him mad, what his favorites will be.
Someone gave us this blanket and it got me thinking about how the beginning phase of Deklen's life has renewed the awe of Psalm 139 for me. All those things I wonder about have already been written out for him. Before any of his days came to be, God planned. While God was forming him, He knew him and was with him.
Living these intimate days with Deklen, getting to know him and experience him and be with him has been such a refreshing picture of God's amazing love for me. The comfort found in God's words here is like a snuggle on the couch of a cold but slow morning, two-hand holding a mug of warm something. Deep, abiding warmth and safety.
Sometimes life and circumstances trick us into believing God isn't for us. How sad when we forget, or maybe don't yet know, that our beginning started with the very intimacy of God. His hands carefully wove us into being, His plans lovingly woke us with purpose, His presence graciously wrapped us in light.
I have seen how walking earth with God can too often be replaced by walking life with no need of Him. Or worse yet, trying to be Him. Those are shoes best left filled by Him, am I right? Deklen coming to me in the midst of my "middle of life" season has removed the calloused familiarity of Psalm 139 and reopened a pourous hope in His unfailing and intimate love. Whether our lives have been marked by terrible darkness or been overwhelmed by goodness and light or a bit of both, the truth of God's personal hand on and in our lives cannot be denied.
As tightly as I wrap my arms around my sweet boy, God holds us closer. As full and endless as my love seems for Deklen, God's love goes deeper and wider. As tenderly as I speak to soothe Deklen's cries, God's breath on our faces quiets our greatest fears and heals our most cavernous hurts.
I may be coming to the end of my maternity leave and the baby stare phase with Deklen, but I sure am glad I will never come to the end of God's great love for me! This is a truth you can walk in today too! And I hope you will!
Thanks for reading here today! (also, is he not the sweetest?!)